Archive for May, 2008

Why?

after 34 years do I still get my feelings hurt when I’m dissed by a sister? Why did I just use the word diss? :o) Seriously though…they, K&L just have a way of making me feel like shit. Like I’m not important. Typical phone call is:
Me “blah, lallala” Them “Oh yeah, lalallalala…Hey let me call you back.” Which never, ever happens. I guess I just need to toughen up and not let it get me down. But you’d think after all this time it wouldn’t bother me. But it does.

“Let me call you back.” Yeah right.

S.

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Restless…

Today is Thursday. Yeah…hello Thursday. I’m glad it’s almost Friday, and when it’s tomorrow I’ll be glad it’s almost the weekend. Wishing one day closer to the next. Don’t we all do that? Anyway, so I’ve been sick (full blown, not just sniffles, etc)  since Tuesday and when I’m sick I’m a little whiney (is that how you spell it?) and more restless than I normally am.  I’m sure you know by now I live alone and last night I was FUCKING BORED. I was so bored in fact I called all of my sisters (figured brothers didn’t want to hear it), my mom over at nana’s, and my friend S. I’ve been feeling pent up anger at S for some reason. It could be because she had this internet “relationship” with this guy who lives in the Phillippines. They ‘dated’ for maybe a month, he dumps her siting he can’t do the long distance thing, it’s not for him, blah, blah blah. She is so incredibly hung up on this guy it makes me want to scream! Did I mention he’s 23? She’s 33. Okay, so age doesn’t always make a difference, but um, in this case it does. He’s twenty-three. What at that age makes you think you’re responsible. I’ve asked her numerous times what it is she loves about this guy as she swears she’s in love with him. “He’s so sweet, he’s a nice guy, etc.” Yeah, so was Ted Bundy and look where that got the ladies. (not trivializing serial killers) I’m not saying this guy is like that, but she won’t move past it. She writes blogs too and it’s too the point where I can’t read them anymore because it seems they all revolve around him. If that’s your life fine, whatever, but it’s not your entire life or shouldn’t be. I’ve asked her “Do you see this going any further than the internet?” She seems to think that she would actually move to the Phillippines to be with this guy. I’m sorry, WHAT?!?! You’d move to a completely different country away from your family and all for a guy you met on the computer? Nevermind that you’ve never had a phone conversation with him or that really you only know what he tells you, but WHAT?!?!?! I’m not so jaded towards relationships and all to say it wouldn’t be a beautiful story, girl/boy meet, fall in love, live together etc….but he’s across the other side of the universe. What in fucking hell do you really know about this guy. Are you so blinded by wanting to be with someone that you can’t see anything else? I honestly think if anything were to happen to her internet connection, she’d lose it. Seriously.  It just pisses me off and I shouldn’t let it bother me. But it does. She won’t even go out with actual guys….in person. I’m pretty sure she has intimacy issues, but that’s her hang up. I just need to politely let her know I don’t want to hear about E. ever. I’m not jealous or anywhere near that. I’m usually very happy for other people’s happiness, really I am. But I can only take so much droning on and on about a guy. Need I remind you that he DUMPED you. As in doesn’t want to be with you, as much as you can ‘be’ with someone on the internet. UGH!

Man I just got on a tangent huh? Oh well….so last night boredom took an all time low. There wasn’t jack on t.v. (I really, really, really want cable), I didn’t have any books to read, and no one to talk to on the phone. Apparently just because I’m bored doesn’t mean everyone else was too. LOL…I probably should have used the time constructively to work on my photography or get my apt in order (i’ve been there since Feb. you’d think I’d have everything unpacked by now!) or SOMETHING. But no….maybe I was so bored I couldn’t drum up the motivation to do anything. I certainly thought about unpacking stuff, but that wasn’t fun. I was even gonna go to the devil’s wharehouse (walmart) and walk around, but I ended up doing NOTHING. I sat on my couch and fell asleep. I woke up somewhere around 1a.m. and went to bed.

I certainly hope tonight’s a better night!

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Summer t.v., radio personalities, Dove promises, and fevers.

Summer t.v. really, really sucks. If you’re unlucky like I am and don’t have cable, t.v. is really horrible right now. It’s even worse when you’re sick and there’s nothing mind numbing to take your mind off of it. Here in OK the ‘regular’ channels are 4,5,&9. Let me tell you on a Tuesday night, it’s terrible. There wasn’t even a crappy reality show to watch. Do you think cable will ever become free? Not the premium channels, but basic? Sure would be nice. Of course I was too sick last night to really care. I’m pretty sure I had a rockin’ fever last night, eventhough I don’t own a thermometer. I was FREEZING and my apt is never freezing. It lasted well into the night when it finally went away. There are fewer things I dislike in this world than being sick. Maybe being sick and having to go to work, but being sick in general. It’s just the pits. Especially when you live alone and there’s no one there to take care of you. Those are the times when being a single adult is really sad. (can you tell I still don’t feel good???) So anyway, my fever is gone but I still feel crappy. I don’t have any time saved up at work, so I can’t afford a day off w/o pay. Oh well…things could always be worse right?

Have you ever heard someone on the radio and then saw their picture and they are nothing whatsoever what you expected? There’s a guy here on The Katt and he’s got a nice voice and today I saw his pic for the first time and it just doesn’t match up. He’s not ugly or anything, but it’s just not what I had pictured to go with his voice. Kinda threw me for a loop. I guess it’s the same when you hear someone on the phone and then meet in person or whatever and the voice and pic don’t match. Hmm..

Today I was given 3 Dove promises. Pretty good chocolate and the writings on the inside are great. I think I like them almost as much as I do the chocolate. The ones I got today say – Buy yourself flowers…Listen to your heartbeat and dance…Don’t think about it so much.  Pretty good huh? I love flowers. Gerber daisies and white roses are my favorite. But the message was good. Why wait until a special occasion to get flowers? Get yourself a good pick me up and buy yourself flowers. Anway, enough of my ramblings. I should get back to work. 

Have a great Wednesday.

S.

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Ramblings of a camera junkie…

Happy Tuesday…but feels like Monday. Does that ever trip you up after a holiday? You have Monday off, but when you get to work on Tuesday it feels like Monday to you? Although technically I had yesterday off, I came to work anyway. Not like I said, Man I really miss this place, let’s go in for a visit. Nope. In my job I have a weekly transmittal that has to be done every Monday and since I didn’t get a nice email saying it could be done on Tuesday, I had to come in. Good part – I get holiday pay plus regular pay. Bad part – I had to come in on a holiday. But it was actually not bad. I played my music too loud, surfed on the net for about an hour, AND got all my workd done. Yeah me!

I made it home around 4-something. I live in an upstairs apt and it was hot. Nevermind the fact that I leave the window a/c on 67 and have a ceiling fan going. It’s not like it’s a big place either. It’s perfect for one person and I leave doors closed so it doesn’t have to cool the entire place. It could also be that it was hot outside and because I have a leak in my anti freeze hose, I was running my car with the heater on. Let me tell you, those are murderous conditions. I’ve pretty much figured I have a bad attitude when I’m overly hot. Not just a little warmed up, but so hot that if you touch others, you want to hit them with a hammer. Which I guess is my new phrase. “Keep it up and I’ll hit you with a hammer.” Don’t know where I come up with these. I’m not a violent person, but make it too hot with no relief in sight and I could be. But I think anyone could be. LOL.

Over the weekend I was getting a scratchy throat. Today I woke up and I feel like crap. My heads stuffy, can only breathe through one side of my nose, and I’m coughing up something. I won’t go into any details, because it grosses even me out. ;o) There’s just something wrong with getting colds in the summer time. Everyone should be in good health when it’s so sunny and pretty outside. Although it’s in the forecast to rain today, so maybe my cold is in tune with the weather? It still doesn’t keep me from wanting a vacation. Not just time off, but time away. I’ve pretty much figured about every 6 months or so, I need a break and just wanna go somewhere. I’d love to go see M&M in Dallas, but like I’ve said before, gas is thisclose to 4 bucks a gallon and I have zero extra money these days. Used to when I said I have zero money, then I usually had a little bit. But that’s not the case anymore. This effing garnishment is KILLING ME. Of course I did it to myself, sort of, but I’m pretty sure they are doing it all illegally. I need to just bite the bullet and file bankruptcy. I should while I’m still young I suppose. Go ahead and take care of things now, instead of having it hang over my head. Then I might have a little breathing room to do something like, oh I don’t know, buy groceries? Get my car fixed? Just breathe without worrying how x,y,&z are going to get paid. I’ve tried finding a part time job, but I haven’t had ANY luck with that. Guess it all goes back to the recession. Or at least that’s what I’m saying. :o)

Sister K called yesterday to say she’s going to enroll in a mechanics class. Woo Hoo! I’ll sign up too. I’m serious. I’d love to be able to fix my car when a hose goes nutty under the hood. I’d love to be able to know what that sound is…you know the one you hear every so often that could spell major trouble if left unfixed. It would just be nice to be able to take care of it myself. No worries, just get in there and get it done. Plus I don’t mind getting dirty and all that stuff. What surprised me, is that she wants to do it. She’s definitely the type that thinks “car work” is a man’s job. I don’t know where she got that notion. I think if you can do it, you should. But car work stresses her out to no end. Her car was shooting anti freeze the other day. Good thing her friend Ninja was going out of town for a week. She gets to use her car until she can get hers fixed. So, maybe we can enroll in class together and that can become my part time job? Minor car repairs nights and weekends….Now that’s something to ponder….Until next time, have a great week!

S.

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Happy Memorial Day.

Today (or this weekend) is the unofficial start to summer. What an ‘unofficial’ start it was. Friday was the usual with WW and BWW. BTW, I gained 1.6lbs! Holy Shit, holy shit, holy shit! Honestly though I wasn’t too surprised. It was a crappy week, food wise, and I felt like I had gained something. But to gain almost 2 pounds in a week hurt. So, the moral to that story is to do better this week. Because I’m getting further and further away from my goal. They say to expect set backs, so I’m trying not to be too hard on myself. I’ll get there, I know I will. :o)  Friday night was fun….but it didn’t seem as much fun as usual. The bar was hot and not in a sexy guy kind of way…as in it was 90+ degrees outside so the a/c was working overtime and there were too much hot bodies in there sucking up my cool air. Then when you have beers on top of that, yikes. Plus our waitress is the bosses daughter. She was nice and all, but wasn’t the overly friendly type. We even left before 10, so…..Saturday was good. J&E’s oldest was having his 10th birthday party. They have an awesome house, fabulous backyard (w/a pool!), and good parties. I rode with sister K (gas prices are a quarter away from 4 bucks here) and the girlies and we had a good time. Sister K has a rule that she leaves at dusk or 8p.m. whichever comes first. It’s actually a good rule to follow. She does this because it usually turns into a drama night after that time. But while we were there it was great and from what I understand, there wasn’t any drama that night anyway. B raked in the cash. I found out yesterday he got over 230 bucks for his b-day. Which spoils it for all his friends who were there. They will all want cash now! Yesterday was our drive in movie night at W&M’s house. It was awesome! and that’s putting it mildly. W rented a projector and put a sheet on the side of the house. We watched National Treasure book of secrets and 1408. NT was great. 1408, not so much. I was really disappointed because I wanted an old school kind of scary movie. Movies aren’t like that anymore. It’s usually all blood and guts or some kind of psycho thriller that leaves you going “huh?”. What happened to movies like Halloween, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, or Children of the corn?? Those movies scared the shit out of me! Because there’s some part of those movies that could actually happen. Sure, you aren’t going to come back to life countless times like Michael Myers or Jason Vorhees, but crazy homicidal maniacs are scary as shit! Having them pop up in front of you when you think you’ve finally gotten away makes you jump in your seat. Those are the kinds of movies I miss. But back to the day….there was way too much food made – fried chicken, steaks, grilled chicken, sausages, dips, pasta salad, potato salad, brownies, etc. Tons ‘o food! I sampled most, if not all of it, and it was DE-LISH! My friend D from work didn’t show, bummed about that, but N and little n did! I haven’t seen them since February so that was good. S came too. She was later than she said she’d be, but that was alright. I didn’t really get a chance to talk to her except for when she was taking pics of a passed out friend. Maybe one or two pics, but it seemed to me that she kept taking pics of her at different angles. It kinda irritated me and I asked her that if she was taking pics of her, to please not post them on the internet. She said she wasn’t going to, they were just for her. I didn’t mean to sound shitty about it, but you never know who might stumble upon them. So S if you ever stumble upon this blog, I didn’t mean it to sound shitty…just looking out for D.  So there’s the weekend and now it’s Monday – Memorial Day. I’ve never really been one to go and visit graves of loved ones, I’ve never been to my dad’s. (that’s a different story) But I have been going to my Papa’s. He was a great man, one of very little words, but when he spoke you listened and did what he said. He may not have always done it the best way, but he did it the best way he knew how. I wanted him to walk me down the aisle whenever I got married. I wanted my kids to meet him and know what a great man he is from experience. I wanted to get to know him more or better because even at 30 something, I felt like I didn’t really get to know all about him. He died 2 years ago this summer and I still miss him like it happened today. Although he was my mom’s stepdad, he was never treated as such and never treated her like a stepdaughter. She was his and he was hers. It was that simple. He came into her life when she was 3, so that might have been why, but I think even if she would have been 13 or 30, he would have been the same. He would give you the shirt off your back but would also expect a lot from you. Somehow he knew you have great potential and could do better, even if you couldn’t see it in yourself. I love you Papa. You are the true measure of a man and how people should be. I miss you terribly, but I’m glad you aren’t hurting anymore. Happy Memorial Day. Nana seems lost without you, so if you could, give her a little kiss or hug today, that would be great. Let her know you are still here in spirit. 

To everyone else, Happy Memorial Day to you. To our troops at home and overseas, God Bless you and happy day to you. May you all come home safe and sound. Have a great week everyone.

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Yeah Friday!

I had a much more clever way of addressing today’s blog, but I forgot what it was. Apparently I need to write these things down. So today is Yeah Friday! It’s the start of the Memorial Day weekend and I’d love to say I have great big travel plans, but with gas getting closer to $4 everyday, that’s not going to happen. Thank you again recession and oil tycoon pigs. I bet you’re not struggling to pay for rent/bills/gas/groceries. I am trying to step up and find a part time job to go with my full time, but so far I haven’t had any luck. I don’t mind working, at all. I’ll work 24/7 to get ahead and not have to struggle for this and that. It just doesn’t seem to be a lot out there. I’m not too proud, I’ll pretty much do whatever and by that I mean I’ll do whatever isn’t fast food. Maybe if I was twenty-something and all legs and blonde. LOL. But outside of that, I’ll work it. I’ll clean your house if you like. I’m 1 of 6 remember? I’m used to cleaning…and cooking…and mediating…and whatever else! :o)

So today is my weekly weigh in at WW. It’s been a roller coaster of a week, so I’m just keeping my fingers crossed that I’ve lost something. Other than my sanity. I’d really love to hit that 2.2 lb mark so I will have lost 50lbs and get another 25 lb medal, but if it doesn’t happen, that’s alright too. I guess. BTW, is it secretly wrong of me to be a little excited when my friend doesn’t do as well as I do? I’m happy for all successes of anyone because it’s a bitch of a struggle, but she’s a lot smaller than me and doesn’t have that far to go, so when she’s gained an extra pound/ounce, anything, my heart does a little dance. Shame on me I know, guess that’s what makes us all human. But no matter what – Kuddos to you WW friend! Ups and downs, it’s tough for any size. (see I can be really nice and mean it too!)

So remember the other day when I was bitching that Sister L didn’t call anyone about going to the hospital? Apparently it worked because I got the call this morning! And I also received a follow up call to say they didn’t keep her, but they did do pretty extensive tests and no she’s not type 1 (good thing) but she really needs to work on getting it under control. I can’t imagine how tough that must be. Her sugar has been out of whack for so long (we’re thinking at least a year), that she doesn’t know what it’s like to feel good. But today her sugar was the lowest it’s been since this whole ordeal started. In the hundreds. Still a little high, but for her it’s fantastic. She’s the baby girl in the family so she has a lot of people that are going to make sure she does what she needs to do. She’s too young not to.

I have to get to work…it’s payroll processing day here at the job. Yeah! (not really) But I’m thrilled it’s Friday, I’m ready for the weekend and all the debauchery it holds. LOL! Have a safe a happy Memorial weekend!

S.

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Yeah Thursday!

Whew, I’m glad today is Thursday. It’s one day closer to Friday and my 3 day weekend. I love paid holidays…to bad there’s not a week of paid holidays lurking out there somewhere. I guess that’s called a vacation, but since I’ve only technically been at my job since NYE, I don’t qualify for one of those yet. I have half a year to go for my 40 hours. Then do I wait and use it for some fabulous fun in the sun time or will be I be ‘dying’ to get out of here for an entire week? Since it will be winter time then, I’ll most likely wait and save it for the summer. When I can get paid for being out in the sunshine! I really want to take a trip of some kind…any kind of trip. A daycation, a vacation, a road trip, whatever. It’s been too long since I’ve gone anywhere or done anything out of the ordinary and it’s beginning to show. I’m restless and kind of blah. I really just need to snap out of it. Right? But how? Could it be that I’m not doing (professionally) what I want to with my life? Which is…being a photographer. I think I take decent pictures, some better than others, but then is that really a skill? I’ve seen some amazing pictures posted on here. I need to quit doubting myself and just do it. It’s what I’m completely passionate about and, let’s face it, I’m not getting any younger and I don’t want to end up regretting anything that I could have changed.  The photography school here in OK is only $10,000. Yikes! Right now I can’t afford to pay attention (thank you recession, $4 gas, skyrocketing food prices, garnishment bastards) so photog school isn’t a reality right now. But I am scouring the net trying to find tips here and there and my family members are willing participants for my picture guinea pigs.  We’re having a get together on Sunday, so I plan to ‘practice’…there will be a bunch of people, so at least it’s not the same people rolling their eyes as they pose for yet another pic.

On a different note, my guy David Cook won American Idol last night. Of course he’s not really my guy, but he’s the one I was hoping would win. Honestly I’ve never really watched a season of AI ever before this season. It kind of grates on my nerves, but for whatever reason I found myself watching this one and actually voting for people. To the point one night sister B called and said “who have you been talking too?” Me – “I’m too embarassed to say.” B – “have you been calling 900 #’s?” Me – “What?! No!! Worse…I’ve been voting for so and so on American Idol.” B – “You’re right, that is worse!” We had a good laugh over it….I didn’t watch it religiously, but I knew who was who and who got voted off. Towards the end I was really hoping David C. would win because he’s better. DA has a great voice but he also has a stage dad and I could see that not going well. DC has struggled and put his time in and I just think overall deserved it more. DA will get there…

I’m not really that big into reality t.v. Okay, that was a lie. There are some reality shows I like, but I think there are way too many. It’s like they can’t come up with good enough sitcoms or dramas so let’s dumb everyone down and throw another horrible show on. The one I really, really like is Big Brother. I watched the first season and then quit until season 6 and have been watching since. I can blame sister K for that. She’s been a watcher since the beginning. She and Mom subscribe to the live feeds even. It’s extremely addicting. She would be PERFECT for the show. She pretty much knows how it’s going to go down, who’s going to be put on the block, who is going home, etc. Even before the houseguests know, it seems like. I tried to get her to sign up for the season starting this summer, but she said she wants to lose more weight before trying out for it. Hell I think she should have done it anyway. But I can understand her reluctance too. It’s just that when I say she would be perfect it, she would be. So maybe next year she’ll be ready for it.  But back to the shows in general…Survivor, um wrap it up Jeff, does it really get a lot of ratings? It’s all about how deceptive and shitty you can be to people. Same for Amazing Race. Granted I’ve never really watched a whole season of that show, but the snippets I’ve caught are ridiculous. I know it would be cool to travel to all the places they go to, but bickering friends/family/spouses/etc isn’t my ideas of entertainment. If I wanted that, I could see if for free in my own life. All the new shows that have cropped up recently are insane…the talent shows, dancing shows, beauty & the geek, etc. Time wasters. But I guess they are on there because someone is watching them. I suppose that’s enough of my rant.

Really this blog is just one big ramble today. Probably because I’m not motivated to do any work. It’s going to be a gorgeous day today and I’d rather be out on a patio somewhere having mexican food and beers with my friends. Sounds nice huh? OH and if you like beer, you should try Bud Light Lime. It is DE-LISH! Right amount of lime, it’s just perfect! For that shameless plug you’d think I worked for them or something, but no, it’s just good beer. Way to go B.L. !

Have a great Thursday!

 

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