Archive for January, 2009

Good Intentions

When I remember I have this blog it’s usually because I have something I really want to say and then I get here and it completely flies out the window. I’m not the writer in my family, sisters K and L are really good at that. I always tell people I’m funny in person, not on paper. I try and sometimes I pull it off, sometimes I don’t. But that’s okay I guess. This is a place for me to lay it all out about how I’m feeling, what I’m doing, etc without the bias of familial (sp?) opinions. I still haven’t told anyone I have this blog and I’m not sure if I ever really want to. Not that I plan on saying anything really nasty about the people in my life, but I think it might beĀ similar to them reading my journal.

So what have I been up to since my last post? (I haven’t a clue when that was…) I’m still living at my grandmother’s and it’s working out. There was a rough patch for a minute but it’s been smoothed over. It really is the best situation for the both of us. We know this and we make it work. It’s not going to be forever, but why not make it the best situation for right now? She lives on a huge acreage of land and I have aspirations of starting a veggie garden this year. I’m pretty sure I have delusions of granduer about this since I’ve never had a garden, but won’t it be fantastic growing your own stuff? Besides home grown tomatoes and such taste SO much better than store bought stuff. Maybe it’s all that hard work paying off? I don’t know…we’ll see when I’m in the thick of it if I still think it’s such a great idea. Hahah…..

I’m still doing WW. I’ve struggled to get away from the 70lb mark. I made it to 75 point something then slipped, no fell, and gained 10 fucking pounds of it back. I’ve now gotten back to losing 5 of what I gained, but I can’t seem to push past the rest. I think, or I’m pretty sure it’s self sabotage. I know I’m worth it,but then what if people start to notice me and I don’t have my fat shield to hide behind? Of course people notice me now, but not in a good way. I do have more confidence than I’ve ever had before. And I’m better at not letting small minded people ruin my good time. Case in point….I went out with friends for NYE and while at this bar, two separate groups of people commented on my size…in a grade school sort of way. Pointing, laughing, making rude comments. Now you might ask, “How do you know they were talking about you?” Because they went so far as to literally point at me (while I was watching them), make comments about me, and then laugh like it was the funniest joke they had ever heard. So it’s really made me realize that little bully’s turn into big bully’s. Just because people get older doesn’t make them a better person. Why would “adults” go out of their way to make someone else feel like shit? Was I bothering them? Nope…I was just out with good friends minding my own business. But instead of letting it get me all mopey, I still enjoyed myself.

I am about to be in the process of looking for a new job. While I like my current job, I don’t like the person I work with. She’s alright for the most part, but it’s like walking on egg shells around her. She’s rude, treats me like I’m dumb, a lot, and thinks she should be treated like a princess or something. So I guess she’s not alright for the most part. We have had some good laughs and she can be incredibly sweet and help you out in your time of personal need, but she’s a good one that likes to belittle people too. She acts like her shit doesn’t stink and I’m thisclose to rubbing her nose in it so she’ll know that it does. Actually I don’t think I’ll truly be 100% happy at my profession until I’m doing something that I’m passionate about. Photography. I have a friend’s mom who is going to sell me her darkroom equipment for a deep discount, so now all I need is a place to set up shop. I’m so excited about this that I can barely stand it. Before I moved in here, I had a perfect room where I could do this, but that was then, this is now. I wonder how much it would take to talk my mom into letting me use one of her bathrooms? I could do it on a part time basis and see how it goes. I absolutely love photography. I see something everyday and think, that would make a fantastic photograph. I’m absolutely sad the digital age is knocking out film. I absolutely love my film camera and getting pictures developed. I know the up side to digital and like it, but there’s something about my film camera. Could be that it’s the first camera I bought myself. Who knows? I hope film will last a little longer….

I guess I should get my day started. It’s 11:13 on Saturday morning and the weather is PERFECT outside. Yesterday it was 14 degrees…today it’s supposed to be 60! Gotta love Oklahoma.


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