Dilema

This happens to me quite a bit. I make plans for one thing, forget about making said plans, then make plans for something else. It’s not that I’m forgetfull, I just don’t have good reminders maybe? Case in point: Last week some ladies from work were talking about going to the Choctaw Senior center for a fundraiser dinner. Brisket, sides, and dessert for $6. That’s cheap! And with me having the larger car, (suv) I was going to be the driver for at least 4 of the ladies. This plan was COMPLETELY forgotten by me. Tuesday of this week my sister K asks if I’m going back to the FAIR! this year. Yes, I’m going Friday for the Boyz II Men concert. She doesn’t want the girls there after dark, don’t blame her, and wondered about going today because armbands are only $14 instead of a whopping $25  on Friday. Sure I say, I think I can do that. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? I’ve made plans for two different things for the same night. Of course I wasn’t reminded of the dinner until yesterday, but I should go to that because it was the original plan I made. Right? What my real problem is is that I’m a people person and want to please everyone. So I’ve been trying to think of a way to do both. The dinner is from 4-7, but it’s all the way in Choctaw. Not exactly close. It starts getting dark here around 7:30 or so. So could I go to the dinner right after work, scarf down my food, leave, rush back, drop off my co-workers, pick up the girls, then go to the fair for what might be an hour or two? Hell I hate having this guilt. It fucking sucks!

Advertisements

Leave a comment »

September is almost over and still nothing.

I have to admit I started this blog as a way to sort of journal. About my life and what happens in it, but I have to say, I’ve really sucked at it! lol. I read blogs daily and they seem to not have any problem with something to say. I guess because like I said in an earlier post, I think of good stuff and then when I get here, I’ve either forgotten it, or I don’t want to write about it anymore. Well, I’ll try and do better. I promise. :o) Maybe I can get to at least one blog a month? Isn’t that kind of ‘glass half full’ type of thinking? I thought so!

Anywho, I have been thinking a lot about the changes I need to make in my life. Things such as, doing what I’m passionate about (photography), getting control over my weight, telling people what I think instead of worrying about them getting upset. I look at my brother P and he really has it going on right now. Actually he has for a while but he just recently got a huge promotion at work, moved to a new city, is closing on his first house at the end of this month, and he’s only 25. I have to say I’m a little envious of him, but mostly I’m proud as hell! He really has a good head on his shoulders and actually uses it! OH! He’s also getting married next year too. They’ve only been dating for like 8 or 9 years! His fiance is awesome and will be a welcome addition to the family. Of course she’s been family for a while, but I guess at the wedding it will be official. Like I told him the other day, he makes my heart sing for all that he has become so far in life. (I sound like his mom, hahaha) I was 10 when he was born and I remember that he was MY baby. Seriously that kid was mine and you couldn’t tell me any different. I loved taking care of him. LOVED. IT. P, you’ve done amazing things and I can’t wait to see how far you’ve gone in the next few years. (not that he’ll ever read this, but you never know!)

Have I mentioned yet that the fair is in town? The FAIR! I LOVE THE FAIR. Seriously, it should be embarassing how much I enjoy it. Pronto Dogs, Funnel cakes, Indian tacos, beer, the cinnamon rolls, the sights and smells. Nice! P took me the other day and it was awesome. There’s just something about walking through the gate and seeing everything….Ah…It’s also the best place to people watch, ever!  I saw a couple of really sweet mullets and managed to get a picture of one. I’ll have to remember to post it on here. I’ve actually taken a lot of photos and should add some on here. When I’m on here next time, which looking over my track record should be sometime in November. Ha!

Leave a comment »

July.

6 days into July and so far it’s going alright. It’s our year end at work, so I imagine it might be a tad stressful, but I’m not going to let it get me. Ha! Nanny, nanny, boo, boo, you can’t catch me. (that’s my taunt to stress.) The 4th was a good time. I went to my friend SH house, or rather her parents for a cookout/fireworks. They live alll theee waaaay out in Choctaw or the outskirts somewhere out there. It was a nice drive but I couldn’t imagine making it with ice/snow on the roads. Too many big hills for my non-adventure self. I told her those hills were the closest I’d ever get to riding a roller coaster. Her parents place is nice. I mean nice. 5 acres of land, cute house, only a couple of neighbors, a little slice of heaven. Her mom made enough food for a few neighborhoods and all of it was DELISH! I did feel a little awkward only because I didn’t know anyone, but I still had a good time. Everyone was very nice. The fireworks were fun, even in the rain. Yeah it rained! We certainly needed it. So the 4th was good.

Tomorrow Sister K is having ear surgery. She’s virtually deaf in her left ear, something about an extra bone on her hammer that is making it not work right. So they are going to go in there and remove the little bone so she can hear again. It’s been so long since she has been able to hear, I wonder if it’s going to be sensory overload for her? I really hope I can get off work to be there at the hospital during her surgery. I know my mom will be there, but I wanna be there too. I’m definitely saying my prayers that the doctors are successful and have steady hands. *(God, please watch over them and keep them in your capable hands.)* If anyone besides me reads this, say a prayer for K too. I’m a little nervous for her, but I know she’ll be alright. I know it.

Leave a comment »

Wouldn’t you just know it?

While I was outside watering the ‘everything’ outside tonight, I was thinking of a really good blog post, and now that I sit here, I can’t think of a damn thing to say. I could talk about how Nana (queenie) told me to “flood the patio because the day lillies look dreadful” and that I do that everytime I water (daily) but I’ll be sure to do it again tonight. I could also talk about how my mother didn’t call queenie to tell her she wasn’t coming over tonight. Mom always almost always comes over on Wednesday nights. It’s referred to as trash night because well, she takes out the trash and puts the can by the curb. Not that queenie couldn’t do it but it might hurt her arm. True she’s 83, but the the arm pain is really beginning to get me. Mom had a hair appt tonight and she and Q got into it the other night, so she didn’t call. Yikes. Of course after I sent her a text , she made the call, but….anywho.  Anyone that really knows my nana, knows what a complete diva she is and from what Mom says, she always has been. In talking with Mom tonight on the phone I told her I was watering for queenie and she replied “You know that’s something she can do.” To which I said, “Well you know it will hurt her arm and she lost the other one in ‘nam.” (no offense to anyone that really lost there arm in Vietnam or any limb for that matter.) No she didn’t lose her arm in ‘nam or any other way. I really love my Nana but man can she try your patience? Whew.

Anyway, this wasn’t the post I wanted to put on here but since I can’t remember exactly what it is I wanted to vent about, this will have to do. Hope you have a fabulous rest of the week and wonderful/safe 4th of July. (In OKC it’s supposed to be back to 100 degree temps that day! Yeah OKC weather!!!)

Leave a comment »

I’m stunned….

by the comments people leave on another’s blog. Horrible, mean, cruel, disrespectful comments. Words that are only said to hurt that person. A person who has lost her only child and is grieving in a way I can’t understand. A person who I have worlds of respect for because, although I don’t know her IRL and we’ll probably never meet,  she’s able to share her pain and write out what she wants to, for the world to read. She’s lost her precious 17 month old. Something no one should ever have to do. One of the most stunningly beautiful little girls I’ve ever seen. How could some person who has read even a sentence of what she’s going through, leave such a horrible comment? Whatever her reasons are behind it, it doesn’t excuse the fact that she kicked someone while she’s at the lowest point of her life. She just lost a child you complete waste of space and skin. I guess it’s easy to say such vile things because you have the anonymity of the internet that you can hide behind. I bet you wouldn’t have the courage to say those things in person. How cruel and miserable of a person you must be to say the things you did to a grieving mother.  Shame on you.

Leave a comment »

Keep on ticking…

So I finally got a call back about the Echo test I had. Yes, I have two enlarged chambers, the bottom ones, but they are working great so I’m alright. Good Job Heart! Please keep working fine for many years to come! Please.

After the results were given to me, I asked when I’d get the C-Pap machine? There was some confusion on the nurse’s part and I re-hashed all the conversations we’ve had since my 2nd sleep study. Then she told me she’d talk to the doctor when she comes in and calls me back. The call back that I got was from a different nurse to say “This is W from Dr. M’s office calling to let you know your sleep study has been scheduled for July 6th.” This is me: “What do you mean ANOTHER sleep study? I’ve already had two!”  W: “I’m not sure, I just had a note to call you and let you know about it.” M: “Why do I have to have another one? I did the first one to find out about sleep apnea and then the 2nd one was for the machine. Now I have to have a 3rd one?” W: “Um, S’s right here, let me ask her. She said it’s for a bi-pap machine sitration (or some shit like that. my words, not hers. lol) (basically a totally different machine) M: Okay, fine. You said the 6th? Same thing as the last two times I was there?” W: Yes ma’am. Show up by 8p.m. and they will take care of you.” It’s not that I’m a bitchy person to nurses, because let’s face it, nurses are running the shit. Doctors come in and diagnose and all that stuff, but nurses are the backbones of the operation. I’d just like for 1) to get to talk to my doctor about why she feels I need another test and 2) when you call and tell me something is planned, at least know what it’s for. Those fucking tests are $5,000 a piece! Okay, so my insurance is awesome and I end up with a bill for $503, but still that’s FIVE HUNDRED AND THREE DOLLARS! Now we’re talking $1509.00. You know how long it’s going to take to pay that off? Sheesh. Anywho, I’m blessed to even have insurance so I shouldn’t bitch that much. 

I’m actually really blessed that I wake up everyday and heart wants to keep on ticking. Thank you again Heart for keeping me going.

Leave a comment »

35 and counting

Yep, I’m 35. I will be for the rest of the year. I didn’t just have a birthday, that was in March, but I’ve thought a lot about being 35 since then. Things like, when you’re a kid, 35 was old! It was a number that was so far away you couldn’t ever imagine being 35. I’ve thought about stuff like how I’m half way through my 30’s and I’m STILL not doing what I want to do professionally. Let’s not kid, I’m not doing what I want personally either. I need to quit being a chicken shit and just do it. Professionally and personally. My dream on the career front is to be a photographer. No surprise there because I talk a lot about photography. a. lot. But I’d also like to be a party planner. I love to plan parties. Love it! The research, coming up with ideas, everything in between, and the eventual outcome. I need to suck it up and put myself out there. Like I said, quit being a chicken shit.  I’ve really thought a lot about it ever since Dr. Long started his new sermon 2 wks ago at church. The title of it is Critical questions every parent asks. The first one was “what on Earth have you done?!” The awesome thing was he brought it around to God asking us ‘what on Earth have you done’? It’s made me think that I haven’t done much. And there’s a lot I wanna do. My list of wants is:

Be a mom, wife, best friend, awesome sister, wonderful daughter, photographer, happy, whimsical, financially responsible, and all around great person. While I am already some of those, :o), I want to be all of those things. Of course it’s not all I want out of this life, but a good start. So back to my thoughts on being 35. I believe this will be the year that I quit with the fear of the unknown and put myself out there. Both professionally and personally. Hell, I bought a car this year! I’ve told myself forever that I couldn’t afford it and this and that, but when I quit saying that, I realized I can do it. I can do anything I set my mind to. No more negative thoughts. If you say it long enough you believe it. So, here’s to a great year to continue on in my great life. (I may have rambled on long enough and lost my point somewhere, but I’m not going to re-read this post and change it. Ha!)

 

Have an awesome week, day, month, year. And ask yourself, “What on Earth have you done?”

Leave a comment »